why do i feel uncomfortable when my dad touches me
If none of them seem viable, we can brainstorm some more (I don't want to hit you with just a giant wall of text right off the bat). i still didnt know what to think. Stay safe. this has happened about 4 times. Between you and the Scarleteam (user-to-staff discussion ONLY), Closed Circuit Staff/User Conversations, Newbieville (moderated user-to-user or user-to-staff discussion for new users), All the things (moderated user-to-user or user-to-staff discussion), https://www.safesteps.org.au/our-services/, https://services.dhhs.vic.gov.au/reporting-child-abuse. Since men, for generations, have been discouraged from showing emotions other than anger, many fathers are made deeply uncomfortable by their own feelings, and those of others. Am I crazy? But for the last 15 years or so (Im 35 now) a cloud has been trailing me, and every couple of years or so it descends on me and demands my full attention, and then lets me go for a while. Stomach aches, sweaty palms, headaches, and uncomfortable butterflies in your. PostedNovember 26, 2012 I first had this feeling when I was around 20. by Heather Fri Nov 23, 2018 8:41 am, Unread post What does he do when he touches you? Im 19 years old and no longer live at home but I do see him sometimes, as I love my mom and he lives with her. Lately Ive been worried that he might think i hate him because I never kiss his cheek or hug him, even a few days ago on my birthday. I don't know if anyone can relate but since I was like 7 or 8 I hated physical affection from my mom. For more about parenting adolescents, see my book, Surviving Your Child's Adolescence. Here are 12 signs that youre not comfortable with emotions: Can you recognize an additional sign that you are not comfortable with emotions? You are reading: "Why do i feel uncomfortable when my dad touches me". I am passionate about the belief that all of us need a basic education in emotions. idk what to say about this. Nothing could be further from the truth for Ryland Hormel. But I feel sorry for him. There are many support groups that you can join that will provide you with more insight on this. If you don't consent to him doing it, then it is most likely abuse of some kind. Off I would go to therapy, and the subject would be up for a handful of weeks at most, and then the monster would dive way back down where I couldnt really feel it or see it. I'm not twelve anymore!" Also Ive always had this memory of him trying to pin me down on a couch when I was younger and doing things, and my grandparents seeing this and shutting the door to the living room But Im almost convinced it was a nightmare. In doing so, adolescents can create a loss that they never quite get overthe letting go of a powerful non-verbal intimacy with parents. Simply learning a bit more about emotions can make us more comfortable with them and help us feel better about having emotions in the first place. Dear Cary, I dont know if I was sexually abused by my father. Feeling "lost," or directionless. How Does Ketamine Work Differently from Other Psychedelics? Well consider asking yourself this: does it make you uncomfortable? My father is having an extramarital affair. 5 Signs You Were Emotionally Neglected By Your Dad (And It's Affecting You Now), how feelings are managed in the relationship, discouraged from showing emotions other than anger, 5 Ways Your Abandonment Issues Are RUINING Your Relationship, unintentionally emotionally neglected you, emotional, verbal, physical or sexual abuse, address the effects of the abuse before you address the neglect, Mom Loses It With Husband Ahead Of His 10-Day Hunting Trip & Makes Sure He Knows Exactly How Much Extra Work He's Making For Her, The Sneaky Way To 'Control' Your Family That Theyll Actually Enjoy, Nanny Quits Job After Family She Worked For Didn't Allow Her To Eat 'Their' Food & Made Her Bring Her Own, The 3 Things People Immediately Judge You On When You First Meet Them, 5 Immediate Signs Of A Toxic, Passive-Aggressive Person, 7 Unsexy Habits That Demolish Your Likeability, 10 Little Habits That Make You IRRESISTIBLY Attractive, You feel a bit awkward or uncomfortable when you are alone with your father, You feel that your dad doesnt actually know the real you, Your relationship with your father bland, or feels empty, You struggle to make conversation with your dad, You tend to snap (or feel angry) at your father, and then feel guilty or confused about it. You feel judged and that you have to live up to expectations. It has always been hard to make friends with guys and I usually feel mildly uncomfortable in their presence. Significant others and friends are all welcome. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Contact your local DHR office or someone you trust and tell them what is going on. i do have family that i could talk to, even neighbors. but the fact that i still love him a when i think bout it the feeling. and what would happen they would feel pity and shit and bla bla i will be cringed out. Most of us have been raised in emotion-phobic cultures. itaie, I don't think he had a crush on me but i think it was his way to show kindness to me. Lack of attention. A couple of, Copyright 2023 THE EUGENIA | Powered by Astra WordPress Theme, I hate it when my dad touches me [non-sexual], Always wondered if my father abused me HealthBoards, Is it normal that i don't let my dad touch me isitnormal.com, Why do I feel so uneasy around my father? and im also worried extended family arent going to believe me or may think im being dramatic as its their family and they may be in disbelief. um my mum does emotionally abuse to a certain extent, just lack of empathy, and undergoes massive mood swings where she turns angry and swears and punches/threatens my dad, but has only ever sworn and hit me with a pillow, while my younger sister receives nothing. Why are there cultural differences in womens attraction to masculine men? Is it normal that i dont let my dad touch me | Is It Normal? We are not given any formal education on emotions; we aren't taught how to understand and work with them. family history doesnt go bad i wasnt hit even once. The Healing Power of Emotion: Affective Neuroscience, Development & Clinical Practice (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology). by random7777 Tue Nov 20, 2018 2:08 pm, Unread post and no, my mum and sister doesnt know because im too much of a coward to speak about this openly to them (let alone my father) so im seeking advice here on reddit. and just in general men now ? Y'know. i dont get nightmares or anything about that incident. And of course it makes you uncomfortable. Tell your dad that you don't want to be touched and that you please ask that he respects that. Uncomfortable when receiving physical affection from mom? I never knew that buried emotions were the underlying cause of my anxiety and depression. I don't think we ever touched unless accidentally. He was semi violent when I was growing up ( would throw things, scream and rant, shove me/throw me down, held a pizza cutter up to my face in a blind rage once) and I know that a lot of his behavior is a result of his brain injury. If your father has spent your lifetime avoiding your feelings (and his), then he has unintentionally emotionally neglected you. Remember, if you can keep some level of physical contact in place, then as the teenager grows older, and becomes more confident in being older, the acceptance, expression, and reciprocation of physical affection can open up again. It depends on what it is for. This is harassment. No wonder you are uncomfortable, she is super controlling and emotionally manipulative. Have these incidents been pretty recent? Also, he did discipline me (beat me for misbehaving) when I was younger, but I dont understand why I am so averse to him making contact with me or calling me pet names. when i was in the town there was another guy in my moms office who used to touch me in places and like always i never stopped him or cried. I never knew I could learn skills and techniques to help me more easily move through my emotions without blocking them. See additional information. If you're female, you'll probably feel better talking to a female and for a male it would likely make you feel better to ask another male. A constant truth is that I feel unsafe in my dads presence. How Adolescence Intensifies the Parent-Child Relationship, The Badass Personalities of People Who Like Being Alone, Why Some Men Share Naked Pictures of Their Wives, Marriage Problems? When I learned about core emotions and how to work with them, it was a revelation that changed my personal and professional life. mum also sticks around for money i believe, as she could not possibly live on her own money she makes. But as adults, defenses often cost us more than they protect us. But if it's your breast, bum, or vaginal area, yes, It depends on how your dad touches you. Want some support? His latest book is Holding On While Letting Go: Parenting Your Child Through the Four Freedoms of Adolescence. Now my mom, 91 with dementia, wants me to hold her hand and kiss her and touch her. 1998 - 2023 Scarleteen/Heather Corinna. When you visit your parents, try to avoid situations in which your father has an opportunity to behave inappropriately. For most others, however, the degree of giving and receiving a loving touch, or hug, or kiss with parents is intermittently permitted depending on mood and circumstance, perhaps accepting and giving it more on close family occasions, for example, and resisting it when in front of friends. Also, after puberty, when the need for physical privacy is increased, the teenager often wants parental touch to be more circumspect so it is not, however unintended, experienced as sexually obtrusive. You feel that you're not enough and that he is the source of this idea. there was a separate incident when we were on a escalator, he would touch my back again and i would show obvious signs of discomfort. Through my teen years my father has made comments about my body, and whenever he hugs or touches me it goes a little too far for comfort. Why don't our schools teach us the difference between categories of emotions? ", 5 Things to Say to Yourself During Tough Parenting Times, 3 Great Parent-Child Roughhousing Games for Newbies, The Dreadful Physical Symptoms of Dementia, 2 Ways Empathy Determines the Type of Partner We Choose, To Be Happy for the Rest of Your Life, Seek These Goals, Women's Attraction to Masculine Men Remains an Open Question, Why Teens Stop Listening to Their Parents, Why Unloved Daughters Feel Like They Don't Belong. Why? I would, therefore, recommend you talk to someone in authority. The fact that you do not have memories may mean he abused you before you had words. affection talk affection related actions are normal in everyday life and its the basis of a relationship. i do feel weird if she hugs me but if i start it start like being touchy with her and she recriprocates it i dont feel weird at all. This depends on where he touches you. Let it come, let it come. People may experience anxiety over a loved one's death, whether that person has a high risk of dying or not. When men are emotionally uncomfortable, they seem to gravitate toward two particular coping mechanisms to avoid the feelings involved: humor and activity. i just also find him a general pervert, looking and hitting my bum, or willing to help me fake tan my back, or walk in on me showering, etc. Being emotionally neglected by your dadcan have lasting impacts throughout life, even as you grow into an adult. If it's usually around your chest or genital area,then that could be considered molestation and you need to tell someone you trust that this is happening. Have questions? Feeling lost is actually a sign you're becoming more present in your life - you're living less within the narratives and ideas that you premeditated, and more in the moment at hand. by random7777 Tue Nov 20, 2018 1:02 am, Unread post If he's touching your private parts, it is definitely sexual abuse. If you think your father is well-meaning but lacks emotion skills, tryto improve your emotional connection with him. Yeah, I want to hug my Dad, even though it's kind of weird because we're both awkward people, and we aren't as close anymore, but I have always hated it when my mother hugged me or touched my face in any way. And never underestimate the power of a friendly smile to warm a beleaguered teenagers heavy heart, as well as laughing with each other and making time to have fun together. How to connect a person online with a therapist? by random7777 Fri Nov 23, 2018 2:26 am, Unread post Verbal contact that conveys caring is more important the less welcoming of physical contact the adolescent becomes. Not undoably, overwhelmingly so. he then falls asleep, or at least what seems like it on my bed, and his hand would travel towards my bare chest under my top and would rub my sensitive area, it just seemed like he mustve known what he was doing but ive forever told myself otherwise. And one of the biggest challenges Ive observed between dadsand their children is how feelings are managed in the relationship. being touch repulsed is fine. by Heather Tue Nov 20, 2018 2:14 pm, Unread post I have no memory of that no picture, anyway. When I told her what Id been feeling, her response was, and I quote, Oh, damn. Like this wasnt particularly a surprise to her. It might be some things we offer aren't within reach for you or aren't what you want: neither are anything you need to be sorry for. I can't even stand to peck him on the lips. now that i m writing this out i think i realise.. even when i was okay with having sexual fantasies about boys my age i m 18 rn.. and stuff but when if it actually happens like the one time my crush and i was about to makeout but instead everytime when he kissed my neck everytime he touched me i felt very very bad really bad. Well I guess that would depend on "how" your dad is touching you. All Rights Reserved. i didnt find any reason yet why i m this way..because this is a big topic. Part of me wants to end my relationship with him for cheating on my mom, but i worry that he will be depressed as he loves me a lot. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. How does this play out in father/child relationships? One way to think about stress is as a survival response to meet unexpected, excessive, or emergency demands. But since you're not aware of it, you have to become aware. You might do this. From healthboards.com ; Publish date: 21/02/2022 Rating: Highest rated: 5 Lowest rated: 1 Description: My sister has these exact same concerns. if thats okay of course ? i m perfectly okay i dont really think about these things neither i m secretly hurt lol. My dad looked over and said dont worry Ill get that. its disgusting whenever he does this. Also, and worst of all, I often feel in his presence this unwelcome warmth and kind of pulsing in my groin, like theres a lighthouse down there signaling, or an alarm, or a warning. i just don't like knowing that this has happened and seeing him everyday like everythings normal. Dear Cary, I dont know if I was sexually abused by my father. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. It depends where he is touching you. 2. for peace of mind, you might ask them if at least initially this can be something that isn't brought up to your parents if you are afraid of your parents finding out about this. I have zero romantic/sexual attraction. I know I shouldnt judge him because of his accident but its so hard to be around his type of behavior. Descartes' Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain. Do you feel uncomfortable by the ways your father touches you? Nina F. "When people get upset with me, I automatically assume it's my fault.". I feel bad for my dad. Married nearly 10 years, together 17. These feelings typically develop in childhood, depending on your father's behavior and parenting style. You're not alone; I'm right here with you. Been going on for a few years now, but I was curious if anyone else has been like that with any of their parents? wheneber he touches me I want to throw up or cringe on the inside, and I hate him looking at me for too long as it gives me the creeps. This article was originally published at Psych Central. Unfortunately, it's supposed to and it works. Avoiding emotions every now and then is fine, even adaptive, like when we swallow our tears to not cry at work or we play a game on the cellphone to calm our anger. You need to start working on getting independent. New York: W.W. Norton, Fosha, D. (2000). Any thoughts or suggestions would be wonderful , thanks so much. Best I can manage is a quick peck on the cheek. TLDR my own father touches me inappropriately (?) Its free. Locking this its its the better half of 2 years old without active participation. but preferably would approach my family first. I never knew that core emotions were there to help us survive and thrive in life. He looked really hurt so I felt bad. A new two-step alcohol reduction strategy appears to work by focusing on "why" and "how" messages associated with addictive behavior. New York: Penguin, Fosha, D., Siegel, D., Solomon, M. (2009). Ive gotten counseling about this on and off for the past 15 years. Jennifer P. 6. We all have different views and opinions this is just a place to share the ones we have on family. oh yeah, um i kind of dont want to tell my mum or do anything or around the house that will raise suspicion. Is it appropriate for an adult to take a child off daycare property? To make matters worse, we are taught myths like: Emotions are for weak people and You can just get over it. idk when this started. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. | The more students focus on test scores, the less creative they become. This is definitely sexual abuse. What parents may encounter at this juncture is a more standoffish and physically unresponsive son or daughter who shies away from the old contact because now it feels inappropriate, even embarrassing, diminishing the older status that they seek. 1.8K views, 91 likes, 68 loves, 461 comments, 162 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Stop the Rot Sack the Lot: Live chat with Guru and Cazz Make it about what . Like a spank on the but, or his hands around your waist isn't okay. The truth is, the reason why I felt uncomfortable was because I was already feeling inferior for not having a girlfriend. Everything you should know, and why they take so long to work. ive finally mustered the courage to speak up about this. Any thoughts or suggestions would be wonderful , thanks so much. I hate when someone do that to me whether it's from strangers, my own family or friends. It's a lot less awkward if rather than concentrating on you feeling uncomfortable when he touches you, you phrase it as your comfort level in general; assuming that you would feel the same about someone else, you should say "I'm uncomfortable with people touching me", rather that "I'm uncomfortable with you touching me". we moved later out of the city cuz of transfer. One of the best ways to find out would probably be to ask your mum or a trusted adult. this is quite rare for her to hurt me, but my father may receive this anywhere from once a month to a week straight. But it really depends on how your dad touches you, if sexual; call help. i hope u forget this as well cuz its just someone's life i m sure u have worser in ur life. Yet I still longed for his touch. when we moved here the owner of this place came down and molested me.
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